A bit brave

 Despite my illness, I have triumphed over some impossible situations. Reading aloud: I eventually learned to read and write extremely well and accomplished so much academically and literarily. Acne: made me shy and introverted but there were girls who liked me and wanted to go out with me and one special one who I married. I now enjoy the company of women and I’m comfortable with myself. My early years were quite difficult, but I came through them and now wish to address the demons that remain from that time. We experienced an impossible time in 1971. I felt completely alone and unsupported, but I got my family through it. There were after-effects that came back to haunt us, but we survived and moved forward. When I had my breakdown I lay in bed with anxiety crawling over me, but I got up and set about getting back to work. With my wife’s help, I succeeded and had twelve years doing a very difficult job that I loved. Throughout this time my wife was strong and took on th...

  You’ve been gone for some time now, but I am still full of grief and emotion when I think of you. I know we were close for the 38 years we had together, and I held you in great regard. You gave me good advice and an example to follow but the family ethos and culture were poisonous to me. You could have saved me from the darkness and worry but were not equipped to do so. We sang together, enjoyed football together and you offered me respect and love, but I couldn’t ask for what I needed because that wasn’t acceptable in a family that laughed all the time. I was encouraged to be like my brother Harry but not like Jack. Harry conformed to all that you and mum valued. He was bright, sociable, and self-confident. So, I tried to be a carbon copy of Harry without the underlying confidence to carry it off. Jack was a rebel, and I could have gained much being like him. Standing up for what I believed in, arguing my case, and being prepared to be disliked were qualities I needed. Being a p...