January Blues
The mental problems I have today began in my childhood. I grew up pretending to be brave but lacking the reassurance that I needed to help me cope. In my family, you were expected to laugh things off. We never talked about our worries. I was never told, ‘Don’t worry everything will be all right’ because I didn’t confide my fears. This left me feeling that I had no firm base to be decisive and confident. This emptiness inside me led to self-doubt and left a gap in my emotions that should have been filled with certainty. This robbed me of genuine strength and belief in myself. Despite this, I made a success of my life and rose to the highest ranks in my job. Others could see my ability and strength, but I still doubted it. When I suffered from anxiety my response was to fight the feelings. I tried to make myself physically strong so I could defy the emotional gap. Needing to be strong brought its own anxieties so being injured or ill produced phobic reactions. Catching COVID this Chr