I have nothing to prove
All my life I have tried to compensate for the anxieties and feelings of inadequacy learnt in childhood, by being the best I could be in everything I did. This has created an enormous burden on me, and the suppression of my feelings gave rise to anxiety and depression. My ‘child within’ became a tyrant and corrupted my adult self. I failed to live down the feelings of inadequacy and vulnerability generated when I was young, so my adult self was constantly trying to prove its worth by seeking perfection and success. Instead of accepting and being kind to myself I fought the feelings and attempted to make myself strong and resilient and prove my childhood critics wrong. No one could get up every day and fight these feelings. Denying and trying somehow to prove those feelings wrong is utterly exhausting. Through Transactional Analysis I have begun to understand what I am putting myself through and this morning I feel a difference in my attitude. I am still anxious and low but I can see th