A bit brave

  No two people experience mental health problems in the same way. We have different causes and different solutions. Sometimes we need to talk but other times we just want to be left alone. We may be able to pick ourselves off the floor time and time again but a helping hand can make all the difference. We have to be brave to do those ordinary things that others take for granted. I don’t know whether other people with mental health feel as I do but there are two aspects of my illness that seem consistent. Firstly, hearing an alternative voice offering me hope is like being held by a loved one. It eases the pain and allows me to shift my thinking. I feel I am not alone. Secondly, when my anxiety is at its worst I am living in that instant. There is no past or future just the pain there and then. I expect many people with my condition feel the same and, like me, just want it to end instantly. There is no negotiation with myself or rationality, just the moment.

  There will be many people who have struggled with mental illness during this lockdown. Some may have managed to survive lockdown only to become ill afterward. In the beginning, my wife and I accepted the restrictions of the pandemic and found a new closeness in our 53 rd year of marriage. April brought bright sunny days and we were able to work together on household chores and in the garden. I felt quite optimistic and was as relaxed as I’ve been for some time. I only ventured out for shopping and we both enjoyed a walk down the field and a socially distant chat with other walkers. A simple daily routine without any additional expectations or issues was good for me. In the middle months, my wife hurt her back and was in considerable pain. The first two doctors prescribed paracetamol but it was only after three months when I called an ambulance, she was given a diagnosis based on an X-ray. She had fractured her lumbar region in several places. This was a difficult time for me a

  My wife fractured her spine and was in great pain. She was offered paracetamol and ibuprofen by the first two doctors she consulted on the phone, even though she told them she suffered from osteoporosis. After two months, a third doctor asked to see her and he thought that she might have fractured her spine. He prescribed a low dose of codeine and ordered an x-ray but when she rang the hospital for an appointment my wife was told that, because of the pandemic, she would have to wait. After three months she got her x-ray, but only after we called 111 and they called an ambulance. Her first lumbar vertebrae had fractured badly, this compression fracture was agonising and she could no longer stand straight. A new and experienced doctor took on my wife’s case. The doctor prescribed a higher dose of codeine and this meant that Kay slept for most of the next two weeks, rarely getting out of bed. We received aids and a physio visited once a week. I was left to do all the domestic work and b

 There are probably as many variations of depression and anxiety as there are people suffering from the illness. Some people are plunged into a deep dark hole by the circumstances in their lives, while others suffer low mood periodically without knowing why. Winston Churchill talked about his ‘black dog’ that would visit his mind and destroy his stability. He lived a difficult and challenging life and, despite his illness, led this country through the Second World War. His depression was part of his life and would come uninvited to plague him. I understand this because I go through something similar but I keep going regardless of how I feel. I’m not sure whether changing my circumstances will cure me but I’m certain that changing the way I look at my situation will help. I have a friend, Adam Berry, who has lived through a very difficult year and has suffered massively from his grief and depression but has found new love and opportunities and is now able to see a brighter world. I know