Surviving Lock Down

 


There will be many people who have struggled with mental illness during this lockdown. Some may have managed to survive lockdown only to become ill afterward.

In the beginning, my wife and I accepted the restrictions of the pandemic and found a new closeness in our 53rd year of marriage. April brought bright sunny days and we were able to work together on household chores and in the garden. I felt quite optimistic and was as relaxed as I’ve been for some time. I only ventured out for shopping and we both enjoyed a walk down the field and a socially distant chat with other walkers. A simple daily routine without any additional expectations or issues was good for me.

In the middle months, my wife hurt her back and was in considerable pain. The first two doctors prescribed paracetamol but it was only after three months when I called an ambulance, she was given a diagnosis based on an X-ray. She had fractured her lumbar region in several places. This was a difficult time for me and I would end each day feeling exhausted but there were things in my life that helped me cope. Monday night I spent two hours talking to other members of Andy‘s Man Club on the internet and this kept me grounded. Wednesday for two hours was Shaun’s Group, Higher Self when again I could talk to men and women experiencing mental health issues and gain strength from that. Thursday evening was a quiz, again set up by Shaun for his friends and family, and my wife and I enjoyed the challenge and banter that this involved. Friday night I spent an hour on zoom learning new songs with the other members of my choir. Sunday evening we had a family meeting on zoom incorporating a quick and Art Club. Football fixtures were being completed and there was still some reasonable television to watch. I was tired but still felt upbeat and I kept myself busy. Netflix in the morning, shopping for groceries, and in the afternoon a little DIY.

After five months I am finding life hard again. My wife is now more mobile but still not able to drive or do many of the things she used to do. Going out is hard for us because we continue to shield her, and when we do go anywhere, there seem to be many people not wearing masks. AMC continues as does Higher Self but during August there is no choir practice. My family continues to zoom on a Sunday night but both daughters live in areas that are in lockdown, so no visits. For the first time, I am beginning to feel isolated and that the walls are closing in. Many people will feel like this as the days shorten and the weather worsens and I am no exception. Many of those evening activities that have helped me in the past have stopped as people have to go back to work. There are no programmes on the television that I enjoy and distract me, so each day seems longer. It will be a long time before my choir can meet again but my gym is now open. I don’t know how safe it will be for me to re-join and I worry for my wife but I know that I will have to change my lifestyle if I am to stop sliding backward.

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