Ups and Downs


Ups and Downs

Some days are harder than others and for some people just getting out of bed is an act of determination, if not bravery. Depression robs you of your resolution and swallows up your free will. It fills you with self-pity and prevents you from standing up for what you know is right and logical. You are reduced to childish thoughts and behaviour. If you let them, depression and anxiety can make you a coward even if it is just for a moment. So you live with a day by day experience. You celebrate when you survive your bad days and enjoy the normality of your good days. Being phobic about pain and injury is my biggest problem and challenge. When I'm at my worse my thoughts are quite visceral and my main outlet is poetry.


Good Day                                      My heart lifts and I feel the sun has risen.
Somewhere deep inside me, there is a new determination.
I walk a little lighter, relieved of my burden.
Anxiety and depression my oppressors are there but tamed.
I call upon those hidden reserves that I have always had,
But until now were overpowered and ignored.
This may be a temporary window but I can see clearly.
Love, hope, and happiness await me.
This is how I will feel when I am well.


Bad Day                              
                         
Crimson thoughts scream in all directions, fuelling the fire inside me,
Corrupted muscles, fill me with dread and uncertainty.
I feel vulnerable; crushed.
In my confusion, mind and sinews melt and I shrink from movement.
Not trusting my body, I am diminished by my fear.
I am locked in a prison of my own construction.
Alone with my two oppressors.
Anxiety fuels my fears, and jeers at my helplessness.
Depression swarms over me, darkening the room and dragging me downwards.
Shame floods my mind, and I feel utterly alone and quite pitiful.
I long for a gentle hand that will lift me to safety.
Childlike, I am compelled to search for reassurance; for love.

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