How are you today? I'm fine.


It is easy to sympathise with someone who has broken a leg. We can see the pain and discomfort and understand all the inconveniences. Most of us at some time might have broken a bone so we also know what that person is feeling. We don’t usually say my broken bone is worse than your broken bone and we admire the way in which people show great fortitude in coping with the injury. When we are confronted with a person who is suffering from a mental illness we don’t react in the same way. The pain is invisible. The person that we see is not cheerful and being brave. If they are they are shielding us from the pain. Why do we do this? Each individual will have his/her own answers to this question. Maybe they are trying to protect us, maybe they are ashamed, and maybe they do not wish to alienate us. Our society expects people, and men in particular, to be brave and not complain. I have found that the people who listen most are those fellow sufferers, who understand what I’m going through and can see, and feel my pain. There are rare individuals who have not suffered a mental illness but can empathise with what I am going through and are non-judgmental.
It would be wonderful if we could all understand each other and be supportive but everyone has their own agenda and needs. Some people can’t handle any more aggravation. Their lives are already under enormous pressure. They are in no position to help even if they wanted to. Some people have a very simplistic view of life and can’t comprehend what it must be like to suffer from mental health problems. What they don’t understand they dismiss. Pull yourself together, be a man, what have you got to be depressed about? These are the phrases that trip off the tongue so lightly but for many of us are barbs that merely add to our suffering. By some, we are seen as weak, by others as inadequate. There are many value judgments that create a hostile environment in which we are trying to recover or simply exist. Most of these people have a dogmatic approach to life and never question their own behaviour or attitudes. This is a problem for our society not for individuals. In my next blog, I will explore the attitudes that people with mental health problems also have, which can be destructive.


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