I can't tell you how I feel

 

I took my daughters to the planetarium in London many years ago. We sat in amazement looking at our solar system as it was presented to us. Then the story moved on to galaxies in the infinite universe. It left me feeling strangely disturbed because I couldn’t grasp the enormity of it all. Today I face a different challenge because now I am looking inwards into the vast depths and complexities of the human mind. My mind. Just like the physicists trying to make sense of the rules that determined our universe, so doctors are attempting to make sense of the human mind, its frailties, and its vast variations. Both tasks are equally daunting but I suspect that we understand the universe better than how the brain functions. I have heard many men say that they can’t confide in their wives even when their partner wants them to, because they have no way of expressing how they feel and what is happening to them. They are lost as to why they feel the way they do. They can’t explain what they feel because they have little comprehension of what is overwhelming them. Doctors and counsellors have theories and can help us understand some of the superficial things that cause mental ill-health but so much is hidden from them and ourselves. Bringing to the surface, what is hidden from our conscious mind is the first step. Recognising the problem is the starting point but not a cure. Most men walking through the doors of AMC are at a loss to understand what is happening to them. They are bewildered and crushed by their illness. They are dealing with the infinite universe of the mind that leaves them feeling utterly bereft. Talking is not a cure but it is a beginning. Over the weeks, I see men learning from each other and bringing their problems into an open arena, a solid world. They learn how to cope from hour to hour, day to day, and week to week. They take advice from those who are ahead of them on this journey and they feel they are not alone. We cannot intellectualise the mysteries of the mind but we can offer practical advice and brotherhood. We can keep people afloat until they begin to feel better.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Isaac's Birthday

 It is that time of year again. Dark and short days and cold weather keeping us indoors. We can look forward to Christmas and for some, there is pleasure in the anticipation of family celebrations and the reaching of the shortest day with a promise of spring to come. But Christmas can be hard for many people. Those who are struggling to keep warm, those on the streets, and those who are dealing with illness and loss. There will be people on their own and people who are struggling with depression who can see little joy in the world around them. For me and those I love, Christmas is a time for celebrating but also remembering. Christmas and birthdays were Isaac’s great love and now he has been taken from us it is easy to believe that those wonderful days are somehow tarnished. His excitement was infectious, and we all bathed in his childlike delight. It’s almost two years since we lost Isaac and today would have been his 25 th birthday. I miss him so much and feel very down this morning
Read more

Decorating

 Just when I think I’m getting a grip on my mental health, I find circumstances change and I’m plunged into a mental crisis. It started with an innocuous agreement that we needed a new couch. That didn’t seem too bad, but it didn’t end there. We have now bought a new couch to be delivered on the 30 th of November, a new carpet to be delivered on the 15 th of November, and a new chair, to be delivered on the 27 th of November. We had the old fireplace removed, the chimney breast replastered, and a new fire surround fitted in October. My wife has painted all the walls in the long sitting room/diner and my role included the removal of the carpets and underlay and taking them to the recycling centre. Also, all the books and small furniture had to be carried upstairs and now fill the landing and spare room.  I thought that if we brought in professional help and did not try to do everything ourselves, I would cope much better, but I found myself in a very anxious state this morning. Tryin
Read more

AMC the patchwork quilt

 Andy’s Man Club is like a patchwork quilt. It is made up of lots of different bits that come together to make something positive and functional. Last night I talked to people suffering from grief, family problems, physical ill health, and deep emotional trauma. Some had little to say, and some spoke at length. Most men in the group were gentle types who might not speak out in other situations. Some are content that their comments, brief as they are, are taken seriously and advice given. Often advice is redundant since they just need to say out loud how they are feeling. Those of us who are in long-term therapy can talk endlessly about the small steps we are taking to recover from childhood trauma. It is fascinating to listen to each contribution and to know we are making a difference. It is always good to meet new members but also to rotate people in the groups so that we all get to know each other. Not everyone moves groups because the lead Facilitator understands that some people ne
Read more