A bit brave

  At my worst depression, I couldn’t get out of bed. At my worst with my anxiety, I didn’t want to speak to anyone or go anywhere. Like many people my illness was controlling the way I lived. From the first time, I had a panic attack I resolved that I was not going to let this illness defined me. I went back to work and for the next 12 years successfully run a large organisation, as my mental problems came and went. I am not unique in this, because I have met many brave men who were holding down jobs and keeping going despite their mental health problems. It is unfortunate that fear can prevent people from living the life they long for and, although I understand that, I had to be different. My philosophy has always been, ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’. If you don’t try to conquer your fears, you will never know the joy of new things. I am not saying this is easy but it is who I am. I refuse to be bowed down by this affliction and will live my life in the best way I can. This has al

  The first time I attended Andy’s man club I was a little nervous but I knew it was the right thing to do. There was a number of men outside talking and enjoying each other’s company. I was directed to the downstairs’ room and found one of the last seats available. I was given the option to talk or just listen at this first meeting but, me being me, I decided to talk about myself and my problems. There were men who knew each other and looked pretty relaxed, although I didn’t get the feeling I was an outsider. By the end of the session, I was feeling very calm and hopeful because I felt welcome and secure. From then on I came every Monday and got to know a few people. I felt I was making new friends but more importantly I had found somewhere I could talk openly and honestly about my feelings and not be judged. Over time I was able to help others and very occasionally run the group. I was disappointed when the group had to close because of covid restrictions but determined to continue

When those that don’t suffer try to understand what is happening to friends or loved ones who have mental health problems, they find it almost impossible to relate. How can they imagine just what anxiety feels like, or the black dog of depression? It is hard to explain just how I am feeling and describe the unwelcome emotions going through my head. It is easier to explain the physical reactions associated with my depression and anxiety. When my depression is at its worse, I feel drained of energy and an overwhelming sense of tiredness that prevents me from doing anything other than lying in bed. I feel a weight pressing on my head that makes me want to sleep and stops me from thinking straight. I have lots of other symptoms, which are not physical, but they are harder to explain. Anxiety brings contradictory physical reactions to that of depression. My head feels as though it is in a vice and the headaches are debilitating. The physical pain is very real and can take over the whole of