Andy’s man club

 

The first time I attended Andy’s man club I was a little nervous but I knew it was the right thing to do. There was a number of men outside talking and enjoying each other’s company. I was directed to the downstairs’ room and found one of the last seats available. I was given the option to talk or just listen at this first meeting but, me being me, I decided to talk about myself and my problems. There were men who knew each other and looked pretty relaxed, although I didn’t get the feeling I was an outsider. By the end of the session, I was feeling very calm and hopeful because I felt welcome and secure. From then on I came every Monday and got to know a few people. I felt I was making new friends but more importantly I had found somewhere I could talk openly and honestly about my feelings and not be judged. Over time I was able to help others and very occasionally run the group. I was disappointed when the group had to close because of covid restrictions but determined to continue by joining the online group. The first time wasn’t easy because there was no one else from my face-to-face group. I felt like an outsider, not because people weren’t friendly, but because all the other men knew each other and were obviously good friends. I didn’t get the ‘in-jokes’ and it all felt a little distant. I should not have worried because within a few weeks these men became my friends and what I had to say and the humour with which I said it, helped me to become part of the group. I learned to let my guard down and just be myself. I began to enjoy the relationships I was developing but I also developed a place and purpose within the group. We were able to return to face-to-face and the second time around, I knew most of the men who attended and as a bonus, some contacts from my original ‘downstairs group’ were there. The situation seemed extremely artificial because we all had to wear masks and keep our social distance. With winter arriving and, being over 70, meant I was getting quite cold, despite the fact that some were still in shorts! The worries that came with shielding my wife from Covid meant that reluctantly I had to go back to online meetings, although I have kept in touch using Andy’s man club website. Online the second time around was nothing like the first online meeting because most of us did not know each other and, from one week to the next, there seemed to be a different selection of men. The meetings were well run but somehow for me, there was something missing. This is not a complaint because I know that Andy’s man club was doing a superb job in difficult circumstances. So this left me thinking,’ why are these experiences so different?’ I think the answer is continuity. We can always help people by offering obvious advice and support but continuity allows us to add further dimensions and emotional layers to our conversations. When the pandemic is over and we can meet face to face in complete safety then we will experience the very best of AMC. To the advice and support we offer, we will add friendship, warmth, familiarity, and humour. We will look beyond the immediate problems we face and have regard for the friends before us. We will see the unique contributions each person makes and applaud and respect their value as human beings. As a group, we will have the courage to say to the world, ‘We may have mental problems but we represent more than that. We are proud to be who we are, we are honourable and caring men and we are here to help, so please come and join us.