Three Months since Isaac passed

 

For some time now I have managed my back problems quite well. Isaac’s death left me at a low point, and I seemed unable and unwilling, to concentrate on myself when all those around me needed help. I have spent most of my time with my wife, as we tried to support each other. Sam, my daughter has been helpful and the voice of reason in all the turmoil. Isaac’s family seemed physically and emotionally out of reach to me for a while. They were grieving and seemed to cope by getting ever closer, cocooned in their grief. Over a three-month period, my self-neglect led to my back and leg problems flaring up. I had less time to swim and couldn’t bring myself to go to choir practice or the local workshop and this led to my back feeling really painful. I feel that over the past few years, I had developed useful strategies for coping with the anxiety and depression resulting from my pain, but my grief seems to have overwhelmed all the positive thoughts. Three months after Isaac’s death and I am now struggling to understand my changing world. I find it so hard to make sense of where I am today. After living with depression and anxiety for many years I felt I understood these uncomfortable companions but now that I am struck with grief, I’m in a place that is both unfamiliar and bewildering. I feel that my life is on hold and I can only wait for time to help me deal with the exhaustion, which has robbed me of my energy and optimism.   

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