The Day My World Collapsed.

 

For months I had been trying to do two jobs at work, covering for my boss but also looking after things at home to help my wife to look after her ailing mother. The skin on my forehead began to peel and I felt utterly exhausted. The doctor told me to go home and rest so, I was lying in bed trying to recover from stress and exhaustion when my wife told me that my boss was going to be forced to retire. Once I wasn’t there to prop him up things were unravelling. I felt helpless and was certain that I had lost the job I had spent my life working towards. I lay in bed and slowly the anxiety crept over me. I wasn’t conscious of the thought but somewhere there was the thought that had hounded me all my life. Everyone was correct about me, I was useless. Kay came into the bedroom, took one look at me, and said that we should go to see our doctor. The doctor prescribed a relaxant and that night I felt better. The following day I got out of bed and worked in the garden. I felt Okay but later that evening, walking upstairs, I felt very tired and had my first panic attack. Stupidly, I had not taken the relaxant because I was feeling better! I suppose this was me being manly. With the Summer holidays coming up, I had two months to get myself well enough to go back to work. This was going to be the biggest challenge I had ever faced. I still suffer from anxiety and depression today, 39 years later but I did go back to work and was at the top of my profession for 12 years before taking early retirement. I continue to look for answers and try to balance the frightened child inside me with the strong man the world sees.

Comments

  1. AnonymousAugust 21, 2022 at 3:52 AM

    Thank you for your honest bravery, a lot of people will benefit from it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. A bit braveAugust 21, 2022 at 4:01 AM

    I write this blog to try to change attitudes towards mental health issues and I'm not afraid to tell the world that I suffer.

    ReplyDelete

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