Deconstructing the child within. A bit more psycho-babble

 

Primary School

He can’t read so he must be thick. He never reads so he will never improve. There is no encouragement at home to read. He is scolded and shamed for not being able to read. Going to bed late every night meant he is always tired. He never felt an affinity with his teachers. His parents were not academic, with little connection to schooling and in any case, his mum and dad were busy making a living to support three sons. One brother was bright and the other was disinterested and a rebel and the bright brother was advocated by his parents as the model to follow. How on earth did he pass the 11-plus? Today he would have been diagnosed with dyslexia.

Grammar School

At the Grammer school, they tried to change his values. He felt uncomfortable but held in his fear, pretending to be brave. He felt in a sort of no man’s land. The school was very different from his experiences at home. He watched the middle-class boys, who were bright, self-assured, and socially confident. Some teachers still wore gowns for heaven’s sake!  Reading out loud was still a big problem and a source of shame but he became self-sufficient. He learned to balance these conflicting cultures but wasn’t comfortable in either. Somehow he lost his identity. Every day he ran the gauntlet of the Secondary Modern pupils coming in the opposite direction. In his posh blazer kicked and punched. Anxious time but he told no one. He would be brave. Untreated severe acne from age 10 to 19 meant he lacked confidence, particularly with girls. Sport and friendship were very positive. Playing football helped him bridge the gap between school and home. He would play football for school in the morning and for his village in the afternoon.  Being talented at a number of sports helped his self-esteem. He grew up offering the world an image of a strong capable person, always good for a laugh and calmly coping with any problem. He never complained because no one did in those days. His family was too busy enjoying a laugh and pretending everything in life was OK.  Eventually, this duplicity of character left him feeling like two people, a strong man, and a frightened child. To recover from his mental health problems, he now needs to have the child speak to the adult. 

Man and child discuss the above statement.

Man: Is that a good summary of what happened?

Child: Yes, but why write in the third person? Are you ashamed of me?

Man: No. That’s because I’m looking back.

Child: But I’m not looking back. All of this is in the present for me. I’m trying to let go of it all, but I need your help. Not your pity.

Man: I don’t pity you. I love you and I want you to be happy.

Child: But you can’t change the past. You can’t change what happened.

Man: That’s true but I think we can both see the past differently if we work together.

Child: I don’t understand.

Man: Together we have changed who we were. I am not that frightened boy anymore. I am a man of stature. A man of many talents and someone with social confidence and intellectual ability. The reading problem has been resolved. I have published stories and books. I can make speeches and stand in front of a large audience without trepidation. I still can’t sight read out loud but I’m not afraid to say no to that. I have been spurred to turn my childhood into a positive stimulus for improvement.

Child: So, why am I still afraid?

Man: I wish I knew because there is no need to be afraid anymore. I’ve climbed out of that dungeon, and I can see the light. I want you to see the light as well so that you can be happy alongside me.

Child: But why didn’t you tell me this before?

Man: I didn’t know how and anyway I’m just beginning to recognise this myself. If the man I am now had been there when you were going through all your problems, I would have supported you all the way. I promise you that your life would have been better.

Child: We’ll have to stop talking now because I’m getting upset. This is too much to take in.