The pain of loss and the joy of remembering

 

It’s now a year since Isaac died but the grief remains strong. Sometimes I can think of him calmly and regret that he has gone. At other times almost like a flash of lightning, I get an intense feeling of loss and at that moment I can’t imagine he is still not with us.  All the overwhelming and varied emotions I felt when he first passed are there. That feeling is triggered by a memory so quick and instant that I can’t identify it.  I am ambushed by my inner self and left feeling hopelessly adrift and physically drained for the day. I want to remember Isaac but not like that. He was such a delight and a joy to be around. This is what I try to concentrate on when I think of Isaac. I always smile when I recall his mum trying to teach Isaac the more complex concepts of time and number. The lovely thing about Isaac is that he understood a great deal but never quite grasped everything fully. I was playing with him when his mum said that it was bedtime, but he was enjoying himself and he could have asked for five more minutes but what he asked for was, ‘three more grandads!!’ He is gone but moments like that pinpoint for me the times when our lives crossed and this can put me instantly back with him.

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