Decorating

 Just when I think I’m getting a grip on my mental health, I find circumstances change and I’m plunged into a mental crisis. It started with an innocuous agreement that we needed a new couch. That didn’t seem too bad, but it didn’t end there. We have now bought a new couch to be delivered on the 30th of November, a new carpet to be delivered on the 15th of November, and a new chair, to be delivered on the 27th of November. We had the old fireplace removed, the chimney breast replastered, and a new fire surround fitted in October. My wife has painted all the walls in the long sitting room/diner and my role included the removal of the carpets and underlay and taking them to the recycling centre. Also, all the books and small furniture had to be carried upstairs and now fill the landing and spare room.  I thought that if we brought in professional help and did not try to do everything ourselves, I would cope much better, but I found myself in a very anxious state this morning. Trying to pay tradesmen using my new bank account and being blocked on three separate occasions left me very frustrated and angry. Negotiating the removal of the old couch and radiators was never going to be simple feeling the way I do. Finally, the new radiators created even more problems. The first one went in fine, and the plumber was excellent but the second one was bent and had to be returned. Since then, a week has gone by, and a second radiator proved to be scratched and had to be returned. The uncertainty is extremely difficult to deal with and now I just want everything to be over with. Last night the stop cock started leaking and I had to drain the whole system, so we didn’t flood the house. Fortunately, it was a warm night and we were comfortable without any heating. For those who suffer from anxiety, you will understand just how difficult all this has been for me. If the new radiator is OK and is plumbed in tomorrow, then this will be the start of things getting better. Each delivery will allow us to return the house to the comfortable, relaxing haven it has always been and for me to return to routines that keep me in a state of equilibrium. In the meantime, I will get things off my chest at AMC and keep my swimming and singing going so that some of the time I can find the peace of mind that offsets living in the chaos. No one finds change easy but for those who suffer anxiety and depression, it is particularly difficult. So, there is no choice. Either you take a deep breath and keep going or you capitulate and let life pass you by. Everyone will find their own path but let us applaud those with mental health problems who make the effort and succeed and support those who find the only way for them is one day at a time.    

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