A bit brave

My friend Lee wrote this impassioned plea.  Clinically diagnosed anxiety is not just being a bit worried, you can't just "chill out a bit" or "get over it". It eats into your wellbeing, your confidence, your health, and your life and it is 24/7. When someone cancels, or ducks out, or makes a pathetic excuse, please understand that it isn't personal, it isn't laziness, and it isn't being rude. It's because they can't physically do it. When someone needs supporting/encouraging/ hand holding it isn't pathetic, it isn't attention-seeking, it isn't childish - it's because they are desperate to beat it but can't do it alone. Anxiety sucks, being isolated and believing your friends don't care sucks even more. How many of you have had a night out planned, or arranged coffee or a beer with friends and suddenly the 4 walls you inhabit seem the only safe haven because it's the only place you don't have to ...

All those people who suffer from mental illness will know what I mean when I say sometimes life gets in the way. You can be going along very nicely, feeling that you are getting somewhere, and then suddenly everything changes. We have now been in lockdown for 17 weeks and I feel I have coped very well. I have found things to do which I enjoy in the garden or around the house and working closely with my wife we have found a regime that keeps me on an even keel. I have had regular Internet meetings with family, friends, and choir and have largely been in a good place. I was happy to go to the supermarket and any essential shop so that I could shield my wife. What I didn’t anticipate was that over the past three months my wife has been in pain with her back and like many people our age she has soldiered on. Paracetamol and ibuprofen, initially prescribed by the doctor over the phone, was helping until she slipped and suddenly was in agony. She told every doctor that she suffered from o...

When I first met the psychiatrist, I was at rock bottom. We began by exploring the thoughts that troubled me and there were many. Over time, I identified the areas of most concern and we began a process of looking at my negative thinking and attempting to produce more positive thoughts. Most of my thinking did improve as I went through the process of identifying each area that troubled me. Awareness was a big factor in getting better but nothing was instant. Unlike the films they make, where people are miraculously cured by a change in lifestyle or a sudden insight, my improvement was to be a hard slog. I would balance the negatives against the positives and could see the road I needed to travel. Seeing the road and getting on to it were two different things. Knowing what was needed was not the same as feeling what was needed and that took time. Over time I began to feel differently about many issues that troubled me and the path was rocky with many setbacks but slowly I began to f...

Psychodynamic therapy allows you to look at your childhood relationships in a safe environment. Person-centred counselling works with whatever the client brings to therapy. The client is held in 'unconditional positive regard'. Transactional Analysis looks at the drama that develops in the triangulation of parent-parent-child and how the three roles of aggressor-victim-saviour are played out. Integrative therapy is the most common form, where the therapist adopts different types of analysis to help the client. I have had lots of help and counselling in my time and went through processes that I didn’t fully understand at the time and certainly couldn’t label. I was grateful just to be able to talk, gain advice and be listened to. Every session helped me pick myself up and carry on for a few more weeks. I was searching for a cure that probably does not exist. I read many self-help books and took something from each to try to change my thinking. I had other coping strate...

It is hard not to compare yourself with others when you see people who appear to be enjoying their lives and have no problems. This is rarely the case and mental health problems do affect a large percentage of the population at some time in their lives. Some people can identify what is causing them problems and deal with it and so the illness is short-lived. Some people need medication to lift them and repair them but usually, it also needs a clear understanding of what has happened to them in their lives. All this takes time and sometimes money. There are many people however, who suffer from mental illness all of their lives, and the majority learn to live with the accompanying ups and downs. Talking to others is a big help in survival but is not a cure. I listen on occasions to people who are surviving against all the odds and I admire their fortitude and determination. It would be easy for me to look at these people and think, ‘I am not that bad, what have I got to complain about?...

It is easy to sympathise with someone who has broken a leg. We can see the pain and discomfort and understand all the inconveniences. Most of us at some time might have broken a bone so we also know what that person is feeling. We don’t usually say my broken bone is worse than your broken bone and we admire the way in which people show great fortitude in coping with the injury. When we are confronted with a person who is suffering from a mental illness we don’t react in the same way. The pain is invisible. The person that we see is not cheerful and being brave. If they are they are shielding us from the pain. Why do we do this? Each individual will have his/her own answers to this question. Maybe they are trying to protect us, maybe they are ashamed, and maybe they do not wish to alienate us. Our society expects people, and men in particular, to be brave and not complain. I have found that the people who listen most are those fellow sufferers, who understand what I’m going through an...