A bit brave

  For some time now I have managed my back problems quite well. Isaac’s death left me at a low point, and I seemed unable and unwilling, to concentrate on myself when all those around me needed help. I have spent most of my time with my wife, as we tried to support each other. Sam, my daughter has been helpful and the voice of reason in all the turmoil. Isaac’s family seemed physically and emotionally out of reach to me for a while. They were grieving and seemed to cope by getting ever closer, cocooned in their grief. Over a three-month period, my self-neglect led to my back and leg problems flaring up. I had less time to swim and couldn’t bring myself to go to choir practice or the local workshop and this led to my back feeling really painful. I feel that over the past few years, I had developed useful strategies for coping with the anxiety and depression resulting from my pain, but my grief seems to have overwhelmed all the positive thoughts. Three months after Isaac’s death and ...

 Andy’s Man Club’s motto. ‘It’s good to talk.’ When you feel down or worried for any reason, bottling things up can lead to mental illness and black thoughts. Our society expects men to be strong, silent, and in control and this toxic culture is creating numerous mental health problems and suicides in men, particularly young men. So we have the task of changing attitudes. Man by man and club by club we spread the word and practise open, non-judgemental discussion. Every member who attends AMC and benefits from this approach becomes an ambassador for a new way of doing things. At Pontefract AMC we are gaining new members because friends are telling them how good it is. I have no doubt that most AMC’s are the same. Once members begin to feel more confident, then other activities to keep them buoyant can come into play. AMC has closed websites to keep everyone connected, but other activities such as workshops, or organised walks can all help to provide important social connections and...

 AMC Anything to get off your chest. Monday 10 th January 2022 It might save time if I were to say this has been the hardest month of my life. It was so difficult dealing with Isaac’s death and funeral but these were followed by a Christmas Day without him. We tried to enjoy the day in tribute to him since he loved Christmas and his excitement was infectious. If only that was all I had to deal with. The roofer came to fix a leaking roof the day of Isaac’s funeral. Two days before Christmas a guy came to point the wall where the water was leaking into the kitchen and on the same day I had to call out a plumber because an outlet pipe had come loose and all my bathwater ended up on the kitchen floor. A week ago my computer started playing up and I couldn’t get Netflix on the television. Netflix has kept me going each morning through lockdown when my wife is resting in bed. So yesterday I had a guy move my router into the living room from the bedroom. This was a big improvement to...

 I’ve never felt more tired than I do this morning. Yesterday my grandson Isaac was buried. He was only 23 but from his birth, he seemed to be on borrowed time. Even so, nothing prepares you for such a brutally quick end. He had no immune system and in those 23 years, his health was always at risk. He was incredibly brave and always seemed strong enough to survive. We had got used to him beating the odds but Covid proved too much and he succumbed within a week. His mum, dad, and sister were with him in those final days, bringing comfort, reassurance but most of all love, while the doctors and nurses made him comfortable. Something in the back of my brain is telling me that this could not have happened. That it’s all a mistake and I will see him again. I’m told that this is a common experience for many bereaved people but that is no consolation. So I need to learn from my grandson and be brave, to see all the things he achieved and celebrate the precious 23 years we had with him. ...

  On Monday night I went to Andy’s Man Club, Pontefract with some trepidation. I knew I was going to talk about my grandson's death and I knew that I would cry. My thanks to everyone in my group for their support and sensitivity. I wasn't the only one in tears. At the interval, I spoke to a new guy who had not been able to speak during the session. Very painfully he began to open up to me. It was good to feel normal and useful for a few minutes because our conversation helped both of us. My thanks to everyone at AMC Pontefract and a special thanks to Lee C who I know has been worrying about me and my family. I saw my daughter for the first time yesterday after she had come out of isolation. It was good to hold her and my granddaughter and talk to my son-in-law. They are all dealing with immense pain but are talking about Isaac and letting the feelings come. Human beings are fragile creatures but extremely resilient. We will all get through this and be left with the happiest of ...

  There are sixty-five AMC clubs across the country, all doing a vital job to help with the mental health of young men. I am a member of AMC Pontefract and we are doing our bit. Report for the 8th November 2021. 'Two groups again at Pontefract AMC. Friendly banter outside before the meetings started. Old friends chatting and new guys made welcome. Coffee before the serious business begins. Yet another newly qualified facilitator taking charge of the downstairs group. We now have nine experienced facilitators, each bringing something different to the table although next week we will lose two of them as they set up a new group at Castleford. There is a positive feel to the group and an energetic buzz. Talk is relaxed and uninhibited. Everyone goes home reassured and happy and new guys can't wait to come again. Great bunch of lads.' Report for the 15th November 2021. Business as usual at Andy's Man Club, Pontefract. Lots of chats, laughter, but also serious discussion. In ...

I have suffered from anxiety and depression for over 30 years. For most of that time, I have managed my illness and enjoyed some good times. My illness has never stopped me from doing anything. I have tried to keep my life as active as possible. Three or four years ago, I was spending every day redecorating the house and found myself getting more and more anxious. This was the beginning of a new period in my life when I was consumed by my illness. My actions would seem extreme to many people, as I would drive off in the morning, tears running down my face or I would stay in bed all day. For the past couple of years, I have made a slow recovery with the help of my psychiatrist. I get out of bed every morning at nine and with the exception of my relaxation session, I stay out of bed all day. I have continued to do this during the lockdown and in some ways, my life being more restricted, allowed me to stay in equilibrium. I am at my worst in the mornings and this is when I feel I need to ...