A bit brave

  When you are dealing with emotional problems, some days are good and others are bad. Some weeks are good and some are horrendous. In conversations at Andy’s Man Club, people have talked about coping being like having a jug full of water, which you keep from spilling over with various strategies. Then something happens. It could seem quite trivial to other people but for you, it is the drop that spills over the edge of the jug. The final straw that breaks the camel’s back. I have coped with lockdown, my wife’s spinal fracture, and the dismal life that is post lockdown but yesterday I was wracked in pain but had to postpone my swimming session because my wife was ill. I was very much the worst for wear when I woke this morning but was determined to get on and go for that swim I had missed. That was until I received the speeding fine envelope through the letterbox. I drove the car to the pool but as I was driving the emotions flooded through me and I began to cry. I just went to piece

 Throughout lockdown, I have been talking to other members of Andy’s Man Club using google meet. I already knew a fair number of people from the meetings held in Wakefield but none of them joined the internet meeting. So over the past few months, I have got to know a new set of lads. It is never easy joining a group of people when everyone knows each other and you are the odd one out but I was made really welcome and now feel that I have made new friends. Although they have corrupted me in a number of ways, I was a willing victim. I enjoyed the dark and varied humour and was able to offer ideas and advice, which were well received. My message is simple. No matter how hard it may seem to walk through the door into Andy’s Man Club (either virtually or actually) and make that first contact, it will be the best decision you will ever make. Why? You will get the help you need. You will make friends and feel supported. Everyone in the room will have been where you are and understand exactly

  Despite suffering from anxiety, I have been able to overcome, or at least ignore, the worst feelings when I’ve needed to do something. At no point in my life have I refused to accept the challenges because of anxiety. I undertook an important job with many difficulties and managed to succeed. I went on holiday, went to social gatherings, made speeches, and generally lived a full life. I suppose I could see this as being brave and triumphing over my illness but the process was painful and I have the utmost sympathy with those who have difficulty in a social setting. The following words are not mine but they came from Dale and give a clear idea of what some people go through. These words are not to be dismissed lightly. They represent an illness that only those who suffer can understand. ‘Hearing people laughing at you. Not talking because you’re afraid that what you say will be judged. Keeping quiet in a conversation with three people. Not being able to go anywhere alone. Staying in

  For those of us who have had therapy, we were helped to look for strategies that would improve how we felt. This ‘toolbox’ was a handy reminder of what to do when struggling or, if used in a timely way, to keep us on an even keel. In the past, if I had jobs to do and I had a friend who had tools that would help, then I would borrow them. Coping with mental health isn’t quite the same because everyone is so different. Here is my toolbox and if it contains anything that could help you, then take it. Sharing tools can only help. 1.        Trying to cram too much into each day or week is not sensible. Respect my age and listen to my body. 2.        Find more fulfilling things to do. Maybe something where I can plan and think. I enjoy the choir since singing and meeting people are good for me.   3.        At present, my lack of concentration makes it hard to learn words for my music. So for the moment, a little at a time, with breaks between, is the best way forward for this and man

  Sertraline/citalopram/mirtazapine/fluoxetine. So if you’re unlucky enough to know what these tablets are, then I don't have to describe to you what this post is regarding. But if you don't I will fill you in.  That medication allows people to deal with a normal day to day life. Although most days it leaves them tired, spaced out and emotionless. Crazy right? Why would anyone want to feel like that? Well, this is why. You see some people suffer from depression and anxiety.  In their brain it doesn't sit right, something seems different. They notice little differences that 'normal' people wouldn't notice.  That comment you didn't tag then in, but you tagged other people? They see that, and say to themselves why didn't you tag me? What's up with me?  You read that message they sent and they see that you did, but you didn't reply. Why didn't you reply? And they feel like they have done something to upset you.  You didn't say I love you on t

  ‘Depressed people don’t pretend to be ill, they pretend to be well.’ Lockdown has come and gone and I have survived it quite well. Everyone was in the same position, enjoying the Summertime, with sunshine and long days. I was able to help my wife when she fractured her spine and generally, I felt calm and purposeful. Now life has changed again. People are back at work, shops are open and life is moving on. So why do I feel worse? Why do I feel left behind? I am finding that for me nothing is normal. I continue to shield my wife but both my daughters are still in lockdown because of where they live. After six months of inactivity, my body is experiencing extra pain and this adds to my anxiety. I have begun swimming again but it’s not a relaxing experience. Distancing is still the order of the day, in the changing room, and the pool. Going out for a coffee is a tortuous affair with social distancing while queuing and people wearing masks inappropriately or not at all. So each day I